Gregory the not so Great?

I'm just about struggling to the conclusion of writing my sermon tomorrow.

My task is to encourage the congregation to reflect on their personal devotions and their needs for learnign in their journey of faith. I've been really worried that asking people to think about daily bible study or joinign a house group or committing to a regular prayer pattern will come across as patronising or nagging and I have beenstaring at the laptop screen angst ridden about how to phrase things (ironically I will rephrase when I speak anyway but I need to have a starting point!)

So in the midst of all this fretting about my preaching tomorrow, I am called upon to read from a homily of Gregory the Great this morning at Morning Prayer (being as it is his feast day!). What do I find but a reflection on the great man's own self-doubting about his ability, authority and repsonsibility to preach!

Can you picture my colleagues' faces as I said these two sentences:

How hard it is for me to say this, for by these very words I denounce myself. I cannot preach with any competence, and yet insofar as I do succeed, still I myself do not live my life according to my own preaching.

and

Moreover, in my position I must often communicate with worldly men. At times I let my tongue run, for if I am always severe in my judgments, the worldly will avoid me, and I can never attack them as I would. As a result I often listen patiently to chatter. And because I too am weak, I find myself drawn little by little into idle conversation, and I begin to talk freely about matters which once I would have avoided. What once I found tedious I now enjoy.

Here is the reading, though in a slightly different translation, courtesy of a blog somewhere:

Note that a man whom the Lord sends forth as a preacher is called a watchman. A watchman always stands on a height so that he can see from afar what is coming. Anyone appointed to be a watchman for the people must stand on a height for all his life to help them by his foresight.

How hard it is for me to say this, for by these very words I denounce myself. I cannot preach with any competence, and yet insofar as I do succeed, still I myself do not live my life according to my own preaching.

I do not deny my responsibility; I recognize that I am slothful and negligent, but perhaps the acknowledgment of my fault will win me pardon from my just judge. Indeed when I was in the monastery I could curb my idle talk and usually be absorbed in my prayers. Since I assumed the burden of pastoral care, my mind can no longer be collected; it is concerned with so many matters.

I am forced to consider the affairs of the Church and of the monasteries. I must weigh the lives and acts of individuals. I am responsible for the concerns of our citizens. I must worry about the invasions of roving bands of barbarians, and beware of the wolves who lie in wait for my flock. I must become an administrator lest the religious go in want. I must put up with certain robbers without losing patience and at times I must deal with them in all charity.

With my mind divided and torn to pieces by so many problems, how can I meditate or preach wholeheartedly without neglecting the ministry of proclaiming the Gospel? Moreover, in my position I must often communicate with worldly men. At times I let my tongue run, for if I am always severe in my judgments, the worldly will avoid me, and I can never attack them as I would. As a result I often listen patiently to chatter. And because I too am weak, I find myself drawn little by little into idle conversation, and I begin to talk freely about matters which once I would have avoided. What once I found tedious I now enjoy.

So who am I to be a watchman, for I do not stand on the mountain of action but lie down in the valley of weakness? Truly the all-powerful Creator and Redeemer of mankind can give me in spite of my weaknesses a higher life and effective speech; because I love him, I do not spare myself in speaking of him.

This passage spoke to me of my sermon but also of my blogging. It ties in a bit with this holistic blogging and spirituality of blogging.

Bloggers are watchmen and as such we may try to "stand on the mountain of action but lie down in the valley of weaknes"

All I have to do now is work out how to fit that lot into the sermon!